Uhhh...

Yeah I couldn't think of a title that would work for this blog post.

Not sure why I came to my Geography of the Middle East class. We are just watching a movie--well, the rest of the class is watching a movie and I am writing this blog post. I am seriously impressed with people who can write interesting blog posts on a regular basis. I struggle to write one once a month, and most of the time they aren't even interesting. Some interesting things have happened though.

I got rear ended on Saturday. Got some serious whiplash. My sunglasses went flying from my face when I got hit. Good thing I was wearing a seatbelt.

I realized that I am ambidextrous. For example, when I am at work in the mail room, I sort with my left land. I do this thing with my rugby ball where I toss it up in the air and spin it and I always do it left handed. When I play soccer, I prefer to play left defense, because I have more control of the ball. When I play cards I deal left handed. But in everything else I am right handed. Be jealous, y'all. Alright it's not that cool, but I feel slightly cooler for being able to say that I am ambidextrous.

On January 30, 2011 I am assuming I will not be married. In fact, I know I won't. On that day I will have passed the date of being the person in the family to get married the youngest. Not sure why I thought of that.

For the first time in my life, I am desperately trying to find a book to read. I like to read now! Today I saw Team of Rivals on tape in the BYU Bookstore and I was so pumped until I saw that it was 40 BONES which means I can't afford it right now. BUT I have The Glass Castle on special order right now so I am excited to read that. But I need some good suggestions of books to read.

Well that's all. Wow, that is PATHETIC that those are the most interesting things I could think of. I did it for the sake of putting up a new post though, so don't hate.

Peace.

Change

I have had quite a few changes in my life recently.

First off, you know when someone asks you if you want to go out and do something with some people, and it sounds lame so you make up some pitiful excuse not to go? Well, life's great right now because I don't have to do that. 90% of the time I really can't go and do that lame thing with them. The reason I bring this up is because some guys that are probably in my ward (I wouldn't really know) just knocked on my door and said "Hey so uh we're getting a big group of people together to go bowling--you want to come?" (As I was writing that sentence I was saying it in a macho, beef cake man sort of way, even though they didn't say it that way).

First of all . . .

1. Bowling? Come on.

2. I have this class called ECON 110 that is pulling me along by a string.

3. I just got back from rugby and reek of sweat, dirty mouthguard, and grass. Fat chance.

So that is one of the changes in my life. I am really busy. It has its perks, but man do I miss being lazy.

Another change is that I am a bottomless pit. I don't get full. You would think that I would be puttin on the pounds left and right, but I am pretty sure that I am the same weight that I usually am. All my clothes still fit the same. I am convinced that me getting sick in Haiti is what I suspected all along; a sick nasty tape worm. Bet I still have it. Livin in my intestines. Eatin all my grub. Dude that's just SICK.

Thirdly, my night-owl days are over. Getting up at six for work at seven Monday through Friday BITES big time. But I gotta do it. Which means going to bed no later than 11. And you know I'm hatin myself every morning for even going to bed that late.

I actually wish I had time to read. No, no not my stupid textbooks; real books. Books that make me happy. Books that keep me sane. Before I know it I'll be calling that insane asylum up the street my home with all this textbook reading. I just want to finish The Help dang it! Last time I read I was getting to the good stuff, too!

So this last change isn't a change in my life, but a change in attitude of many people. Why the crap am I feelin all sorts of judged when people ask if I want to go on a mission and I say, "no."? Well FORGET YOU if you are going to judge me for not going on a mission. I don't want to. Nothing wrong with that. That says nothing about my testimony or of my relationship with Christ. I want to go to school and live my life here in Provo for the next couple of years. Sue me. Really though, the number of sister missionaries is skyrocketing it seems like. I can honestly say that I am sure some girls are feeling pressured to do it. It's great for girls who have gone and loved it and for girls who are excited to go on a mission because they WANT to. Power to them. But I am shocked that there is a pressure creeping up. Don't worry, I'm not feeling that pressure. I'm just noticing a difference in people's attitudes about girls going on missions.

Well, that's all for now. Maybe I should actually do econ so that I don't feel like a liar to those dudes that showed up on my front doorstep. I had to do something to keep me sane, so I feel justified in writing a blog post.

Oh yeah! One more thing. Guys, I have always loved Halloween. So let me enjoy a good month and a half of having a Halloween themed blog background thing.

Alright, Peace.

Post Haiti, Pre Hell

Starting tomorrow, I am homeless. No worries, I've done this before. I'll find a place to live. And yet here I am, blogging. Well anyway...

My trip to Haiti was incredible. I don't even want to explain everything, because a) I won't do it justice AT ALL, and b) it would take a long time and I know how boring that can be to people. So, I'll give some highlights in no specific order.

1. Lesly's (sp?) orphanage. Those kids are so dang cute and happy.

2. The crazy rain/thunder/lightning storm on the first night we were there.

3. Riding around everywhere in the back of the truck.

4. Bony, Michelet, Jimmy, and Patrick.

5. Painting the orphans' faces/hands/arms.

6. Our incredible group of volunteers. All great people.

7. All the kids in general.

So before I left for Haiti I was in a funk. A BAD funk. And I'll admit, I am still pulling myself out of the last bit of funk. I have been starting to realize lately how awesome it is to be free. Especially when I am single and can do anything I want to. And so that is why I will be sure to go to New York sometime (hopefully when John and Laura live there) and I will move into some new place by myself, and HOPEFULLY (I am praying hard for this one) I will be able to come up with the funds to go to JERUSALEM, yo! Next fall for a study abroad, that is. And that is IF I get accepted. And I can study whatever I want to in school, and I can spend time with whomever I want--you get the idea. Anyway, I am starting to realize that I should forget my trials because right now is the best time for me to do what I want with no other big commitments tying me down--of course while still trying to be the best person that I can be. That knowledge cheers me up. Also, God is really looking out for me right now, so that is another reason why life is good right now.

So I write all of this because I came to another realization, and that is that starting on Monday, August 30, 2010, my life will be insane. Two jobs, school full time, rugby. GULP. So if I write another post in the near future about me being a stress ball or some sort of mental/emotional train wreck, someone refer me to this post so I can remember the positives. Thanks.

That's all folks!

Haiti

So Mom picked me up from the airport tonight and the first thing she said when I got in the car was:

"We're going to Haitiiiiiiiii!" Nothing like, "Oh Audrey, I am so glad that my favorite child has come home" or anything like that.

I am so glad that I get to experience this trip to Haiti with my mom. I'll tell about my experience when I get back.

For those of you who did not know that I am going to Haiti tomorrow, don't feel bad. I didn't know either--until this morning.

My first time out of the country will be quite the experience.

This picture has nothing to do with Haiti, but I love it anyway.

Flames--on the side of my face, heathing, br...breathing

Ok so the title of this blog comes from a line found in the movie Clue. But that is how I feel right now--like flames are coming out of me--like I want to chuck my phone at the wall or go and smash bottles on the ground or just go and break everything that is breakable. Don't worry, I'm not a lunatic. These feelings are fleeting...I think.

Well first of all, I just want to say that I am glad that I have a grand total of what...6 people who actually read my blog? You know why? Because I can be real. I don't try and pretend that my life is some stupid fairytail and I don't have the goal of having 100+ comments on my posts. I don't need that and I don't want that. I want to be real with the people that I trust enough to read my blog.

Anyway, back to what I was saying before. For the past 2+ weeks now I've been having a hard time about some things. I feel as if I am being tortured at times. I was talking to my mom on the phone about this, feeling very sorry for myself and you know what she told me? "Audrey, you need to find people to serve."

I tell you, that is THE FREAKING LAST THING I WANT TO HEAR. I don't want to go and serve anyone. Why doesn't someone serve me? These were my literal thoughts when she said that. It made me want to chuck my phone as far as I could. And then she said, "You just need to be patient." Oooh and that is when the flames on the side of my face came. Steam was coming out of every pore on my body. What do you think I have been doing for the past 3 months?

It is hard for me to be patient for a specific reason. All growing up I had never been around someone outside of my family that I felt like I could be myself with. And consequently I lacked friends because I felt like I couldn't show myself to people. And all growing up my parents told me (very lovingly and full of hope) to "be patient"-- that I would find someone soon. They told me that for YEARS and years.

That's why I want to curse the world when someone tells me to be patient. Because I think, "For how long? Ten years?"

I don't think so.

But as I sit here and write this, my mom's words are being echoed in my head because I know she is right. She also said that Christ was persecuted and spit on and cursed and eventually crucified. But regardless, what was he doing the entire time? Serving. He never stopped. And he had patience with everyone.

So yes, serving someone may be the last thing I want to do right now, but I need to do it anyway. And I need to keep being patient (not about the whole friend thing--I have come to terms with the fact that I don't really need a best friend outside of my family. My family fulfills that for me, and so will my husband when I get married). Telling myself to be patient is enough pain in itself, but once again, my mom is right. Patience shows faith, and apparently I have none right now.

So--I promise--I will work on that.

More

Whenever I was invited to go to some girl’s birthday party, I would ritualistically go to the store (most often Target) with my mom and we would get what seemed like the best present anyone could ever dream of, a caboodle complete with all things miniature. A mini hair brush, miniature toothpaste and a miniature toothbrush, miniature makeup, a mini mirror, a Mini Cooper, a miniature poodle—you know, all the best things in the world. The process of buying all these gems and putting them all perfectly in the several compartments within the pink, sparkly caboodle was enough to cause me to keel over from excitement. I practically had a heart attack every time I got to experience this sort of occasion. You would think I would have tried to make more friends with girls just so that I would be invited to their birthday parties. My brain hadn’t yet reached such cleverness, though.

And speaking of rituals and birthday parties, my mom and I went through another ritual that I thought was pure genius right before I left for the birthday party. She would tell me to sometime during the party call her to “check in” with her. She would then say quietly, “Audrey, do you want me to come and get you?” If I said no, that meant I was having a good time and wanted to stay for the remainder of the party. If I said yes, that meant (obviously) that I wanted to get the crap out of there. The fact that that was even an issue still causes me to wonder to this day. It wasn’t unusual for me to respond, “YES.”

And speaking even furthermore on rituals and birthday parties, my mom 99% of the time would not allow me to sleep over at a sleepover. She would always come and get me late at night right before everyone went to bed. Sometimes it was maddening. But now I look back and realize that her reasoning for not wanting me to sleep over makes perfect sense. With all those sickos out there, my children will most likely not sleep over at sleepovers either.

He's Gone

I just have the best family in the world. Look at all of us! We're so cool! I had a blast in Las Vegas with my entire immediate family and some extended (Charlie, Karli, and Deb). As you can see we rented this massive blow-up slide that went into our pool. Charley alone went down the slide at least 120 times, which means that altogether it was used about 8,254,796,341 times. Those little kids did not give themselves a break. They were in the pool from sun up to sun down--and so was I.

We also watched movies and tv (I'm hooked on the Bachelorette--sue me), ate great food (Mom, if I can cook anything like you I am in good shape), took pictures, were with Seth when he got set apart, played some Balderdash and Boggle, gave advice to Seth and Charlie for their missions, etc. It was fun and I did not want to leave.

And then we had to take Seth into the MTC. Can I just say THANK GOODNESS they don't have that whole long process where you have to watch the movie and the whole emotional "oh crap my son/brother is leaving me for two years and I can't even see him" feeling is drawn out for what seems to be like hours. All you do now is get out of the car, hug them goodbye and you watch them walk through the doors. BUT even though it all lasted about 3 minutes I still cried. What a comfort it was to see Seth and Charlie walk in together though. That was cool.

Family, I miss you. I can't wait to see you all again. Love you guys.