Sarah

My oldest sister, a quantum physicist, writer, marathon runner, mother of three, and wife of one (THANKfully) is one of the coolest people I know.

She has this mind that is unmatched, which makes for great conversation. Her brain is filled with interesting information on any given topic. Like dissonance and black holes and antimatter.

Recently Sarah moved to Mapleton. What a blessing having her just 15 minutes away. I feel like I have grown even closer to her.

Sarah and I recently drove to Vegas and back. We listened to about 8 hours of music during that drive. From Beyonce to Simon and Garfunkle to Geographer to Ghostland Observatory to Adele to Bonethugz N' Harmony to so much more, we belted those songs. And I don't know about her, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I just want her to know that she is one of my best friends and I love her.

Arby-Q

For Laura and Seth, who eternally torment me about this.

We were flying to Boston in the middle of the night. Mom, Dad, Sarah, Ann, Scotty, Laura, Seth and I. All of a sudden flight attendants were running up and down the plane. Are we crashing?! What's happening?! Then I looked over and there's a man laying in the aisle with blood all over him. The pilot announced an emergency landing in Pittsburg would take place. The man had some sort of disease and had started throwing up blood (sorry for the disturbing details). We landed in Pittsburg at around one in the morning, and the man was taken to the hospital. He survived (I actually don't know that detail, but let's just say that he did because I'm trying to get away from the morbidity of this post). It looked like we were going to be at the airport for a while. Laura, Seth, and I were hungry, and the only food place that was open was Arby's. All the times I had been to Arby's in Vegas I had gotten a trusty Arby-Q. So I ordered first. I said to the young girl who looked like she hated her life at that moment, "Um. Can I have an Arby-Q?" She then said (in a voice that sounded ultra bratty teenagerish to me) "an ARBY-Q?" Mom had to explain to me that apparently Pittsburg Arby's don't serve Arby-Qs, so I ordered something else.

The end.

Seriously. That's the end of the story. So here's the eternal torment part.

Laura and Seth bring that up ALL THE BLOODY TIME. And they laugh and laugh because bratty Britney behind the counter said "ARBY-Q?" and there I was, looking sheepish. They find it even funnier because THEY WERE GOING TO ORDER THE SAME THING, but thankfully their innocent, angel of a sister ordered first.

Them bringing that up used to unleash my 10-year-old wrath. But now I just roll my eyes and laugh because they are still trying to extract any bit of humor from the story, 12 years later.

:)

W, NW, E, and a little bit of S

I'm proud of myself. In the last year I have been to:

Las Vegas, NV-home

Provo, UT-school

Palo Alto, CA-rugby tournament at Stanford

Coeur d'Alene, ID-roadtrip

Florence, OR-visit Ann, Brian and kids

Harrisonburg, VA-visit Laura and John

Washington D.C.- vacation with some of the fam

Miami, FL-for a night on the way back from Haiti, and

Port au Prince, Haiti-humanitarian trip for FFCIN

and will soon be going to these places (May 6-12):

Manchester, CT-Charley's graduation

NYC, NY-PARTAAAY, vacation with Mom, Charley, and Kat

Boston, MA- vacation with Mom, Charley, and Kat

Not bad for one year, eh?

Suggestions for places to visit in Boston and NYC?

Febrero

I have another blog. This one is for everyone to see. I would prefer this blog stays somewhat private, but I don't care who sees my other one. If you want to check it out, click here.

Peace

Manipulation

Alright, here it is. I've been thinking a lot about this, and I decided I am going to share it.

Some thoughts on manipulation.

Manipulate: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage

Manipulation is a science. It, like other skills, can be practiced. People who manipulate don't stick with old material; they find newer, more complex ways to manipulate people or situations. That is a scary thing.

I consider my encounters with manipulative people both detrimental and beneficial. Detrimental in the sense that because manipulation is a twisted way of gaining control, I have at times become trapped by some people's manipulative words. Beneficial in the sense that I have become able to often recognize when people are being manipulative. Thus, it helps me to better understand that person's character. I can not only avoid getting sucked in, but can distance myself from that person. Because people who manipulate have an agenda. They have motives.

Why is it that people use manipulation? Because it empowers people. It helps them gain control. Often times people who are manipulative have had traumatizing experiences in their lives, or have had some destructive or negative event take place in their lives that they cannot control. Or they were just born with certain misfortunes that they cannot help. So they find a way to gain control to compensate for their lack of control in other areas of their lives. They discover the art of manipulation.

Sadly, however, there are those who have made personal choices that result in a loss of control. Take some alcoholics, for example. We have all heard about alcoholic husbands or boyfriends that get so drunk all the time that they start beating their wives/girlfriends, and even kids. They are out of control when they do this. But they CHOSE to drink. That CAN be helped. But even though they chose to drink incessantly and consequently became wasted out of their mind, there is still a need to gain back the control. So they threaten their victim with more beating if the victim ever reports it to the police, or even tells anyone, for that matter. That is manipulation.

But why is it that people even need control? Yes, we want to be in control of our emotions, and be in control of the decisions we make and the person we choose to be. But why do people feel like they need to control others? Or control situations? Because it is a form of validation. When someone is able to manipulate a situation or person and is successful, it is a boost of confidence. It says, "You have power." It is an insidious and pathetic way to feel good about themselves.

Manipulation is destructive. People who are victim to it often feel insignificant, enslaved, powerless.

I believe, though, that we are all manipulators to some degree. I know I have used manipulation to get what I wanted before. We all do it; we just aren't always aware that we are using manipulation. And even though manipulation is used for personal gain, it doesn't always hurt someone else. People can use it on someone without meaning any harm on anyone else. But, (this part is key) just because they don't mean any harm doesn't mean that the result of their manipulation can't cause harm. In fact, I would say that most times it is harmful to a friendship or relationship. I personally have felt resentful toward people after recognizing their use of manipulation. Resentment, obviously, is not healthy in a relationship or friendship.

Thankfully, there is a better, safer, and truer alternative to manipulation. It's called, honesty, love, and a willingness to communicate openly. It works wonders in conversation between two people in some sort of relationship. Manipulation destroys, weakens. Honesty, love, and clear communication builds, strengthens, and fortifies.

But is there a good form of manipulation? The only good example I can think of is manipulating my hair to do a certain thing when I'm dealing with a cowlick.

Bottom line--stay away from manipulative people. Their mindset is often " me, me, me". And DO NOT use manipulation. I have come to find that being honest and open has amazing effects. It builds love and trust. It can make us feel vulnerable, but I promise, it will have good and lasting results.

It's Thursday

First, Condoleezza Rice is the Woman! Today Condoleezza Rice spoke at BYU. She is so articulate and intelligent.

Second, a few days ago I was writing a blog post on all my thoughts about manipulation. And then seeing that it might make for a very boring blog post, I decided not to post it. I have had many thoughts about the destructiveness of manipulation and throughout the years have come across some pretty manipulative people, so that's why I started writing about it in the first place. That's all. If you ever want to hear about it, let me know...

Third, I have a theory (that has probably been already developed). I believe that when we (i.e. everyone) take time to get ready for the day, like putting on makeup, doing our hair, wearing an outfit that we think we look good in, etc., we perform better in everyday tasks. And I'm not just talking about social tasks. Because we all know that we are more likely to be social and put ourselves out there when we look good than if we look like garbage. But I am thinking that we would perform better academically (getting better grades on tests, paying better attention in class and so on). I started thinking about this a while ago, but a few days ago it really rang true to me when I went to work and then school looking like TRASH. Hadn't showered in a couple days (yow), my mascara was flaking big time, my hair was greasy, I was wearing an old sweatshirt, etc. The whole day all I could think about was how I just wanted to get the day over with so that I could go home and not be seen by people. I felt insecure about my appearance and couldn't really focus on school.

However, the next day of school I was clean, my hair was done, my makeup was fresh, and my outfit was bomb. You better believe I was cat-walking all over campus (not really--felt like it though). I didn't have to worry about if people could smell me, or see little black flakes all over my face, or just notice that I was the frumpiest of all frumpish greaseballs. I could focus. My confidence was high. I could do any dam thing I wanted. By the way I purposely spelled that BIBLE (mind you) curse word wrong so that no one will get up in my grill about swearing. Hehe.

Point is, when we feel good about ourselves physically, I think we perform better academically. Of course this is targeted towards students who are still being graded on assignments, tests, and the works. BUT I think this rule applies to life socially, academically, professionally--probably even spiritually, too.

So everyone, (I know it's hard to do all the time) every once in a while, go get yourselves lookin smoking hot and start booty bumping people out of the way, because [insert your name here] is here!

11 days and counting...

This Christmas break I am going to...

do nothing. And it's going to be so great. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing that requires my brain to actually be used. In fact, I'll just put my brain on standby mode for two weeks while I eat cookies, wrap presents, watch movies, eat cookies, sit in the hot tub and watch movies. And many times I will sleep. And it will be heavenly.

Guys, I have been hardened. Some things in my life, especially some things that have happened recently, have hardened me. I'm the grinch. I'm Scrooge. I am Harry and Marv. I am Mr. Potter. Alright, I am not in that bad of a mood, but I have noticed a difference in myself and I don't like it. So today I made some resolutions. Not New Years resolutions like, "I will exercise every day and look like that Jillian chick from Biggest Loser at the end of the year" blah blah blah, just resolutions. And I intend on keeping them. Especially because they are really important things that I need to work on, and even change about myself. I know that when I am with my family in Vegas it will be that much easier to make changes and work on things, because I will be surrounded by people that I love and that make me so happy. Can't wait.

So why is it that when I think of good Christmas memories I think of me and Laura and Seth running around the coffee table with Manheim Steamroller blasting and Ann sitting on the couch putting her legs up on the coffee table so that we would trip? For some reason I loved that as a little kid, even though it had danger written all over it. I love that music and I love my family so I am bound to enjoy any activity that involves both of those.

So yesterday I ran some errands with Sarah and the kids. While I was in the car with the kids I asked them if they knew how old I was. Weslie said,

"umm..........................39?"

Doh!

Hopefully I don't look that old.