Haiti

So Mom picked me up from the airport tonight and the first thing she said when I got in the car was:

"We're going to Haitiiiiiiiii!" Nothing like, "Oh Audrey, I am so glad that my favorite child has come home" or anything like that.

I am so glad that I get to experience this trip to Haiti with my mom. I'll tell about my experience when I get back.

For those of you who did not know that I am going to Haiti tomorrow, don't feel bad. I didn't know either--until this morning.

My first time out of the country will be quite the experience.

This picture has nothing to do with Haiti, but I love it anyway.

Flames--on the side of my face, heathing, br...breathing

Ok so the title of this blog comes from a line found in the movie Clue. But that is how I feel right now--like flames are coming out of me--like I want to chuck my phone at the wall or go and smash bottles on the ground or just go and break everything that is breakable. Don't worry, I'm not a lunatic. These feelings are fleeting...I think.

Well first of all, I just want to say that I am glad that I have a grand total of what...6 people who actually read my blog? You know why? Because I can be real. I don't try and pretend that my life is some stupid fairytail and I don't have the goal of having 100+ comments on my posts. I don't need that and I don't want that. I want to be real with the people that I trust enough to read my blog.

Anyway, back to what I was saying before. For the past 2+ weeks now I've been having a hard time about some things. I feel as if I am being tortured at times. I was talking to my mom on the phone about this, feeling very sorry for myself and you know what she told me? "Audrey, you need to find people to serve."

I tell you, that is THE FREAKING LAST THING I WANT TO HEAR. I don't want to go and serve anyone. Why doesn't someone serve me? These were my literal thoughts when she said that. It made me want to chuck my phone as far as I could. And then she said, "You just need to be patient." Oooh and that is when the flames on the side of my face came. Steam was coming out of every pore on my body. What do you think I have been doing for the past 3 months?

It is hard for me to be patient for a specific reason. All growing up I had never been around someone outside of my family that I felt like I could be myself with. And consequently I lacked friends because I felt like I couldn't show myself to people. And all growing up my parents told me (very lovingly and full of hope) to "be patient"-- that I would find someone soon. They told me that for YEARS and years.

That's why I want to curse the world when someone tells me to be patient. Because I think, "For how long? Ten years?"

I don't think so.

But as I sit here and write this, my mom's words are being echoed in my head because I know she is right. She also said that Christ was persecuted and spit on and cursed and eventually crucified. But regardless, what was he doing the entire time? Serving. He never stopped. And he had patience with everyone.

So yes, serving someone may be the last thing I want to do right now, but I need to do it anyway. And I need to keep being patient (not about the whole friend thing--I have come to terms with the fact that I don't really need a best friend outside of my family. My family fulfills that for me, and so will my husband when I get married). Telling myself to be patient is enough pain in itself, but once again, my mom is right. Patience shows faith, and apparently I have none right now.

So--I promise--I will work on that.

More

Whenever I was invited to go to some girl’s birthday party, I would ritualistically go to the store (most often Target) with my mom and we would get what seemed like the best present anyone could ever dream of, a caboodle complete with all things miniature. A mini hair brush, miniature toothpaste and a miniature toothbrush, miniature makeup, a mini mirror, a Mini Cooper, a miniature poodle—you know, all the best things in the world. The process of buying all these gems and putting them all perfectly in the several compartments within the pink, sparkly caboodle was enough to cause me to keel over from excitement. I practically had a heart attack every time I got to experience this sort of occasion. You would think I would have tried to make more friends with girls just so that I would be invited to their birthday parties. My brain hadn’t yet reached such cleverness, though.

And speaking of rituals and birthday parties, my mom and I went through another ritual that I thought was pure genius right before I left for the birthday party. She would tell me to sometime during the party call her to “check in” with her. She would then say quietly, “Audrey, do you want me to come and get you?” If I said no, that meant I was having a good time and wanted to stay for the remainder of the party. If I said yes, that meant (obviously) that I wanted to get the crap out of there. The fact that that was even an issue still causes me to wonder to this day. It wasn’t unusual for me to respond, “YES.”

And speaking even furthermore on rituals and birthday parties, my mom 99% of the time would not allow me to sleep over at a sleepover. She would always come and get me late at night right before everyone went to bed. Sometimes it was maddening. But now I look back and realize that her reasoning for not wanting me to sleep over makes perfect sense. With all those sickos out there, my children will most likely not sleep over at sleepovers either.

He's Gone

I just have the best family in the world. Look at all of us! We're so cool! I had a blast in Las Vegas with my entire immediate family and some extended (Charlie, Karli, and Deb). As you can see we rented this massive blow-up slide that went into our pool. Charley alone went down the slide at least 120 times, which means that altogether it was used about 8,254,796,341 times. Those little kids did not give themselves a break. They were in the pool from sun up to sun down--and so was I.

We also watched movies and tv (I'm hooked on the Bachelorette--sue me), ate great food (Mom, if I can cook anything like you I am in good shape), took pictures, were with Seth when he got set apart, played some Balderdash and Boggle, gave advice to Seth and Charlie for their missions, etc. It was fun and I did not want to leave.

And then we had to take Seth into the MTC. Can I just say THANK GOODNESS they don't have that whole long process where you have to watch the movie and the whole emotional "oh crap my son/brother is leaving me for two years and I can't even see him" feeling is drawn out for what seems to be like hours. All you do now is get out of the car, hug them goodbye and you watch them walk through the doors. BUT even though it all lasted about 3 minutes I still cried. What a comfort it was to see Seth and Charlie walk in together though. That was cool.

Family, I miss you. I can't wait to see you all again. Love you guys.